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a reading: past, present, future – your love life

**Low audio/use headphones šŸ˜‰ALERT** – I was speaking softly and did not have the mic turned up enough for my voice level – I will adjust it next time! šŸ˜Š

What G~d would have you to know about how you love, whom you love, why you love – from the perspectives of past, present, and future

May you gain guidance and clarity with what resonates for you šŸ˜Š

AsƩ Amen It is so

šŸ“š: A New Oracle of Kabbalah, journey of love, The Good Tarot

*** send me 1 quick question; i’ll send you back 1 quick answer! šŸ¤—šŸŒ» only $4.44 https://www.instantgo.com/askdrcandi

#surrender #divinetiming #divineprotection #lettinggo #nurturedseeds #breakingopen #healing #love #divinefeminine #divinemasculine #divinepartnership #twinflame #soulmate #kabbalah #oraclereadings #tarot #psychic #mystic

confident in my badassness: stripping my shadow for the love of my dreams

Unless we’re coming off an edge from a relationship gone wrong, none of us think about the darkness that can be connected to love. In fact, popular opinion often advises that if any darkness is associated with a love, that it’s not love – not a healthy one, at least – and that if we’re ever in a dark love, that we should run for the hills. How many loves have we discarded solely because shadows kept coming out – theirs or ours – and though we run, we cannot escape these shadows? When true love comes, isn’t it shadow-free???

No.

As I’ve written before, there is a specific quality about romantic love that pierces to the heart of the matters within our souls, matters that need to be revealed and healed. And if we are in divine partnerships, this specific quality is magnified hundreds of times, for divinely destined relationships have a particular goal in mind – to refine both persons, individually and collectively, as much as possible. This destiny requires that some pretty dark, ugly shit rise to the surface for acknowledgement, inspection, sometimes some cleansing, and always – integration.

So, this means that the love of our dreams is not all lovely and sweet or wonderfully fragrant. No one is coming, at least at first, to whisk us away into a horse-drawn carriage down a yellow brick road to live eternally, happily ever after. Therefore we need to expand our definitions and our perspectives of what is healthy and what is required. Everything becomes more grey than black and white. It all shifts and moves around more than it is solid and predictable. It’s all a rather adventurous invitation into vulnerable spaces – places where we’re naked – not because we’re going to fuck, but because we’re being stripped, beyond the bone.

stripping

Everything that we’ve ever known about ourselves is up for grabs to be peeled away, layer by layer, no matter how painful or how closely cemented they are to us. Our comfort and ease are not #goals. The only thing that the universe is after is the end, the end in which we ascend into our true power, in which we BE the very best versions of ourselves to serve the greater good, to help others along the Way. G~d requires that we areĀ confident in our badassness. This requirement necessitates a stripping of our shadows, and for that, weĀ get the loves of our dreams.

During one of our recent weekly oracle readings (view below, cued to the shadow part)Ā on love, intimacy, sex, relationships, etc., i hadĀ the mostĀ a-mazing revelation by applying as metaphor Yeshua’sĀ (Jesus) journey between his crucifixion and ascension. So, what really (completely) happened when Yeshua descended into the dead and spent some quality time in hell? Have we heard the whole story? Was there any stripping of Yeshua that occurred there before he was completely ready to arise from death and then to ascend? For we know not only did he appear so differently to his closest disciples that they did not recognize him immediately when he returned, but that upon his incarnation, heĀ grewĀ into the man he needed to become to live out G~d’s call on his life.

From these questions and what we know from the Greek writings, I assert and extend that ascension requires stripping, of every single thing that we have. Following Yeshua’s hero journey, stripping of:

  • his status in heaven to become human
  • his ego and other related qualities during his time of testing in the wilderness before launching his ministry
  • his will in order to agree freely to go the cross where his human life would end

Those are all the details that we have. There has to be more. What else had to go for him to rise to his next level?

In other aspects of our lives, we are familiar with this requirement of stripping:

  • bad habits to become more disciplined for a job that requires more multi-tasking
  • self-centered perspectives and behaviors to be available for an expanded family life
  • downsizing and tightening the financial belt to save money for larger investments like real estate

BEing in the love of our dreams is no different. It’s way bigger than the even great task of simply deciding that we’ve found a cool person to share life with for the rest of our days on earth. Dream love is a lofty ambition, literally. It’s a love that lives in the clouds, in the ether; it’sĀ upĀ there. And for us to get up there, we need to be lighter and lighter and lighter … dropping baggage, shedding layers, removing masks, disrobing – allowingĀ allĀ to be revealed and ogled, studied, analyzed, enjoyed, consumed, and relished.

Are you thinking that this is not what you signed up for? LOLOLOL – I get that. But then you also know that you’ll take nothing else for your journey now. šŸ™‚

Here’s to high-flyin’ love!

Looking for clarity, confirmation, answers, guidance regarding love, career, family – or just life? Share your questions with candi for an oracle reading to help you on your way! She is here for you šŸ™‚

(c) 2018 candi dugas, llc

your beauty is safe here

We’re celebrating our newest service, Sacred Readings with candi dugas!

sacred reading general reading 6.22 youtube cover

Weekly we publish free, general readings on YouTube, and you may also order your own personal readings as well. This week onlyĀ (through Saturday, 30 June 2018), all readings are 50% off in honor of this celebration.

Watch our latest general reading, “Your Beauty Is Safe Here.”

I look forward to hearing from you!

Best,

candiĀ (claircognizant, clairsentient, empath)

good love

good love

“I wanna know what good love feels like, good love, good love. I want a love that’s sure to stand the test of time. I wanna know what good love feels like, good love, good love.”

The longing forĀ love in our lives can become more pervasive on February 14th of each year, a day many look forward to and as many dread. It can be a day of surpriseĀ (i.e., marriage proposals)Ā orĀ a day of disappointmentĀ (i.e, the surpriseĀ delivery of rosesĀ and chocolates never arrives). If we are among the disappointed ones, we may also experience envy on Valentine’s Day, wishing for ourselves the kind of affirmations others receive seemingly so easily.

I like that Anita Baker’s hit song, “Good Love,” qualifies what kind of love she wants – a good love. Too often we just say that we want love in our lives, that we lack love. More often than not, that’s not the case. We do have love, just not “good” love. If we can begin to acknowledge the various kinds of love and then begin to qualify them, we are well on our way to actually having what we desire.

“[O]ur experiences of love, and our loves, take multiple forms. Some thinkers prefer to reserve the name ‘love’ for a love that has normative content – that is, for loves that they consider to be good loves. Yet we know that not all of our loves are good, though they are loves. There are wise loves and foolish, good loves and bad, true loves and mistaken loves. The question ultimately is, whatĀ isĀ a right love, a good, just , and true love?”Ā (Margaret Farley, as quoted inĀ Who Told You That You Were Naked? Black Women Reclaiming Sexual and Spiritual Goodness by dr. candi dugas [available on Amazon, $11.68 Paperback, $9.99 Kindle])

Farley suggests 3 criteria for good love:

  1. A clear and true understanding of whom you’re loving
  2. Your interiorĀ (i.e., your soul) connects with whom you’re lovingĀ (mutuality not necessary)
  3. Affirming whom you’re loving in ways that are honest about the person’s current reality and potential

No. 1 is in play when we do not objectify a person, only lovingĀ him for what we believe he can do for our egos, bank accounts, social statuses or careers. We are engaged in No. 2 when what we’reĀ experiencing is more than words or even actions. And No. 3 is at work when we are not having an affair with a man committed to another relationship as if he was not, as if he were free to commit to us.

When any 1 or more of these 3 criteriaĀ is not present in our relationships, we have a mistaken love. Mistaken love is not when we think we love someone, but we’reĀ actually feeling something else, like obligation. Rather, mistaken or false love is when we believe we have a love that does not match the nature of the relationship.

Let the love you have be the love that it is. Find out its name and call it out. If it’s not a good love and that’s what you want, end it; let it go. Then make it your business to get the good love you seek. You deserve it. And you can have it. “What you seek is seeking you.”Ā (Rumi)

“If you’re the man I hear you say you are, I don’t quite understand why loving me is so hard. Never have I felt the need to be this close. Words cannot say, heaven only knows: I wanna know what good love feels like, good love, good love. I want a love that’s sure to stand the test of time. I wanna know what good love feels like, good love, good love. Morning, noon and night, forever all my life.”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

(c) 2017 candi dugas, llc

ready-made man

ready-made man

There is no such thing.

From time to time I become incredibly irritated by the sanitizing of so-called conventional wisdom. It doesn’t matter to me if the sanitization is of romance or religion – in any context it doesn’t do anyone any good at all.

Too many women live in constant desire of a mate while also living in burdensome fear of the ones that cross their paths regularly. Of course, I am not advocating that we throw all caution to the wind and entertain the affections of any prospective lover. No. As always, however, there is plenty of good middle ground between the extremes.

Too many women, especially women of faith, ascribe to best practices that dictate a man be in a certain place in life before he becomes worthy of her affections. In essence, we are told to prepare ourselves and wait for the ready-made man. Just open the box, add water, and stir.

There is no such thing.

I have learned that life and being human is messy and that we cannot avoid the messiness, no matter how meticulously we try. On our best days, with our best efforts, we cannot sidestep or circumvent the natural flow of things. One certain aspect of life’s process is that there is a kind of assignment that romantic love must carry out. Romantic love has a particularly unique way of getting to the heart of matters to which we must tend in order to grow and heal. That is why when we end relationships before love has completed its work, we continue to meet the same lover over and over again, just in a different body.

May we move into 2017 without the rose-colored glasses? May we approach romantic love as women, pulling up our big-girl panties? May we be/become so secure in ourselves that we can handle the man’s growing edges because we know thatĀ togetherĀ we can simultaneously support and challenge each other, going forwardĀ togetherĀ to unknown adventures. May we stop looking for the ready-made man?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

As you reflect and prepare for a new year, check out our 2016 posts:

image: pinterest

(c) 2016 candi dugas, llc

good girl syndrome

good girl syndrome

MISS BLOSSIE –Ā I just thought you were the kind of girl who would make better choices.

RACHEL –Ā Kind of girl?Ā  What kind of girl?

MISS BLOSSIE –Ā A good girl who understands that God made sex to only be between . . .

RACHEL –Ā A GOOD girl?

MISS BLOSSIE –Ā Iā€™m not comfortable with your tone.

RACHEL –Ā And Iā€™m not comfortable with your judgment. I suppose I do agree with your pastor, in principle.Ā  It sounds like a really good idea.Ā  But thatā€™s all it is ā€“ a really good idea. (pause)Ā  Youā€™re not helping and neither is the Church.

MISS BLOSSIE – So you settle? (clears her throat)Ā The scripture says to trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding.Ā  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.Ā  If you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.Ā  Rachel, you have to trust that GOD has a divine plan for your life, one that you want deep down inside.

RACHEL –Ā Sounds like an Easter speech.

MISS BLOSSIE –Ā What?

RACHEL –Ā Nothing.

And so the conversation goes between Miss Blossie, a church and community icon, and her play niece, Rachel – after Miss Blossie discovers Rachel consumingĀ her unmarried lover in Miss Blossie’s kitchen.

Janelle Harris’ Washington Post article, “Pastors tell black women to be passive and wait for love. I donā€™t believe in that.”, reminds me of the “good girl syndrome,” explored in several convesations in my play,Ā no ordinary sunday, like the one above between Miss Blossie and Rachel. Being passive and waiting for love is based on the outdated interpretation of Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV), “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, And obtains favor fromĀ the Lord.” Now, no doubt if one finds a loving life partner, that is a beautiful blessing. The problem is when this scripture is interpreted to be a mandate for the only way a couple can come together in love and commitment.

Pastors and other faith leaders completely disservice women when they insist on a biblical foundation for gender-based subservience. Have they not understood, overlooked or denied that the bible also describes a loving life commitment that results from a woman’s advances? Naomi schools Ruth in the fine art of oral seduction that so impresses Boaz, that he is compelled to make Ruth his wife.

Ladies, when you plead with GodĀ for your Boaz, do you know what you’re actually asking for?Ā (Ruth 3)

(c) 2016, candi dugas, llc

Featured image: pinterest.com –Ā abstract goodluck art greeting card

a love worth living

a love worth living

“When love beckons to you, follow [her], Though [her] ways are hard and steep.

And when [her] wings enfold you yield to [her]Ā  Though the sword hidden among [her] pinions may wound you. And when [she] speaks to you believe in [her]Ā  Though [her] voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall [she] crucify you. Even as [she] is for your growth so is [she] for your pruning. Even as [she] ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall [she] descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn [she] gathers you unto [her]self. [She] threshes you to make you naked. [She] sifts you to free you from your husks. [She] grinds you to whiteness. [She] kneads you until you are pliant; And then [she] assigns you to [her] sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for Godā€™s sacred feast.

Two wooden hearts on a cut timber background.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Lifeā€™s heart. But if in your fear you would seek only loveā€™s peace and loveā€™s pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of loveā€™s threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love.

gentle roses

When you love you should not say, ‘God is in my heart,’ but rather, ‘I am in the heart of God.’ And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love, And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate loveā€™s ecstasy; To return home at eventide with gratitude; And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

[L]et there be spaces in your togetherness.

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each otherā€™s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each otherā€™s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each otherā€™s shadow.

That which seems most feeble and bewildered in you is the strongest and most determined.

~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

~~~~~~~~ amen

(c) 2016, candi dugas, llc

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